tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
