Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
