Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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