I wish I could teleport
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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