I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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