Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
