Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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