This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
