last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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