Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
God gave him joint rollers for hands
then he tried to convert me to islam
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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