I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
