Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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