Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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