this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
