we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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