Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
