So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
