He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
