Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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