'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
