I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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