it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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