everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
