The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
