just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
3 2 1 whiskey
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
