im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
