Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
