he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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