I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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