I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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