I wish my penis had an off switch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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