Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
how drunk are you?
Several
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
