ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
