i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
