Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
