i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize