i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
