Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
