omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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