I like my sex mixed with concussions.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
