Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
