it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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