Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
