Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
