jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
