Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
