Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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