i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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