it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
