you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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