Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize