Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
