From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
