FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
