i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
