Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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