Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
