I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
