and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
