I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
