Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
