About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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