Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
