You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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