Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
