I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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