Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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